We have been invited to a black tie affair at the end of June. Thanks to Emp. Peng.'s former occupation, we happen to already own all parts of a black tie ensemble except for the black tie. The cheesy clip-on that came with the tuxedo doesn't count. It was serviceable when the audience saw his front side for thirty-seven seconds, but now people might have a reasonable opportunity to look at his neck. Which brings us to why we were in Brooks Brothers today, where normally, they would have someone who not only sells bow ties, but can teach you how to tie them. That guy had today off, so we were referred to "some really easy instructions on the web site."
"Easy" my hindquarters. "It's just like tying shoelaces," they said. Double ha. They say that to me not realizing that I still have to put granny knots in the loopy ends of my shoestrings to keep them tied. The photos are not helpful. I would like to have a nice, long chat with the fellow who decided that male formalwear would not be complete without a bit of origami nestled under the adam's apple, and I hope he is having some fun chats with whoever invented pantyhose as they wallow in the circle of hell devoted to the people who have made sure that going to relatives' big blowout weddings is absolutely as uncomfortable as possible.
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