Walking Calamity

I feel like my old Pontiac. For a while, I owned an '84 Firebird that started off life with me by having the brakes completely fail en route to the title inspection. It had a minimum number of things that had to be malfunctioning at any given time, and I think my body is starting to have the same issue. Now that the damages from falling out of a car have resolved themselves into a large black-and-blue mark, I have developed a raging case of hives over both forearms.