Third Time's the iCharm?

About a year ago, Emp. Peng.'s laptop, an Apple Powerbook G4, started having an odd issue whereby the battery seemed to disregard charge levels between about 85% and 2%. As soon as it ran into the low 80 percents, the battery monitor dropped down to nothing and the computer went into Lack of Power Freak Out Mode, which consists mainly of shutting down in the middle of whatever it happened to be doing. Once attached to an AC power source, it shot straight back up to whatever level it had plummeted from. Needless to say, this was an untenable situation, which Apple suggested could be remedied by a new battery. This did sort of solve the problem for about a year. It will become important later that the new battery, although it is completely compatible with the laptop, is not an Apple-branded part.

A couple of weeks ago, the problem resurfaced in earnest, just days before the extended warranty was to run out. Phone tech support--including several types of resets that were obviously configured on paper without regard to human finger configuration--was somewhat less than effective, so we were instructed to take the computer to the nearest Apple Store for attention from their Genius Bar. We live in the armpit of Ohio, and the "nearest" Apple Store is an hour's drive away, but still, we went. This is the laptop, after all.

The alleged Genius (more of a smart-ass), took one look at the non-Apple-Brand battery and refused to entertain the notion that the problem could have originated from anywhere other than a third party power source, even after he was repeatedly informed that the reason the Powerbook had a third party battery to begin with was that the problem had occurred with the Apple brand battery. For all the trouble--and, believe me, we've just gotten started--Mr. Smart Ass Genius is the only rotten spot in this whole apple barrel. Mr. SAG determined that the only solution was for us to purchase another new battery for the laptop, and if the problem persisted (thus proving what we already knew, that it wasn't the battery), we could return the new battery and then he could look further to see what else could be causing our issue. The fact that the Apple Store was out of stock on the appropriate battery was only the first of our reservations about this approach. Gas prices being what they are, schlepping an hour each way to the Apple Store many more times, and we would be better off replacing the computer. We replaced the computer anyway, with a MacBook*. After all, however bad this was turning out with Apple, we had no indication that the situation would be better with another manufacturer. If the Powerbook ever got fixed, I would inherit it to replace my laptop, which I had run so far into the ground that the only reason it wasn't held together by duct tape was the outside chance that the duct tape would ignite from the heat the AC adapter socket was putting out. Instead, I had superglued the case.

To Apple's credit, when we called Tech Support again to say that the problem was not even close to satisfactorily addressed by Mr. SAG, they immediately went into Make Sure The Customer Is Happy Mode and sent a shipping box out for us to mail the computer in for repair. When one must send a computer back to Apple for repair, their standard procedure is to overnight the customer a box with a pre-printed shipping label and four different kinds of foam padding designed to cradle the computer like a bosom in a high-end brassiere. They also include the packing tape to seal the box up--the computer tech support equivalent of a mint on the pillow, to be sure, but it's dang convenient.

The laptop, now known as Generalissimo Francisco Franco since we kept getting reports that it was still dead and awaiting parts, turned out to have a bad logic board. I'm not techie enough to understand why that would cause the particular problem we were having, but Emp. Peng. was elated at the vindication of his hypothesis that it was not a battery issue. In short order, the Generalissimo was shipped back to us. By then, I had been completely laptopless for almost a week and couldn't wait to rip into my new hand-me-down computer. I pulled it out of its protective sleeve, booted it up for an inaugural email check, and discovered I had no internet.

The house still had access, so I called up tech support and explained to them that I was aware that the computer was now out of its extended warranty period, but it was under warranty when it was sent in, and it also had functional wireless internet capabilities then. Now, not so much, and I didn't think it was too much to ask that the computer be returned with something reasonably approximating the same specs it went in with. I also didn't think it was too much that the company that controls the iTunes catalog could have hold music that doesn't bite, but I kept that particular observation to myself.

There was also some confusion regarding half of the RAM being missing, but that turned out to be me having overlooked it in the packing box, where the Apple technicians had helpfully removed the third-party RAM Emp. Peng. had installed. The very helpful product specialist arranged for a second shipping box to be sent. This time, the problem was that the replacement logic board had a bad Airport Card, so the computer couldn't see that it had wireless capability.

Generalissimo Franco just returned to us yet again. Now it has a functional power system, working wireless internet, and a boatload of dead pixels around the top and left sides of the screen. Normally, computer manufacturers don't like to cover dead pixels on laptop monitors, but, as with the wireless issue, we sent it to them with working pixels, and it isn't too much to ask that it be returned in reasonably the same condition. Michael, another one of the Good Apples over in the ranks of Product Specialists, has arranged for a third shipping box to be overnighted to us, to send the computer back again.

If the turnaround time matches the previous two attempts, we should have another installment of What Else Can Go Wrong With This Blasted Computer in about a week. Stay iTuned.

*Note: I had originally indicated this was a MacBook Pro. I am typing this addendum on the aforementioned new laptop and can say with certainty it is a regular MacBook, not a Pro.