A Lot of Generalizations

Elie and I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, which may surprise some people who know us. As one of my coworkers said today, "You don't celebrate Valentine's Day? Well you've only been married a few years [4 1/2 for the record--JH]. Check back with me in another 15." Elie and I are not that type of morally superior couples you find who have the attitude "well, maybe you need Valentine's Day to show your love, but we don't need a special day," or more nicely "every day is Valentine's Day for us." Those people annoy me. Elie and I are generally considered to be the most romantic couple that our friends know, and even we have our off days--sometimes up to off weeks. No one is as happy and blissfully in love every minute of every day as those couples try to make it seem.

I really am not one of those "Bah Humbug" anti-Valentine's Day people. I don't think Valentine's Day should be banned; I don't think it is any more of a Hallmark Holiday than birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanksgiving, or Christmas; I don't think it is a great conspiracy of the florists and candymakers (particularly since the festival predates both); I especially don't think that non-coupled people should feel like they're missing something on Valentine's Day, any more than Gentiles should feel like they're missing something on Sukkot. I actually think it is great that couples celebrate Valentine's Day, not just because it is a day to remind people to appreciate their loved ones. Well, actually I find it more amusing. We tart the day up with cupids and cards and notions of romance and love, but at the core, it is the one day a year where the whoring is right out there in the open. The whole concept of the day is really a tit-for-tat (pardon the unintentional crass pun). Guy gives girl chocolates, flowers, nice dinner out, and/or sparkly things, and if girl decides the presents are good enough, she gives him what he wants. On any other day of the year between strangers, that would be a misdemeanor.

I'm not meaning that as a negative thing. The fact is, Valentine's Day just compresses the fundamental dynamic of human relationships until you can actually see it happening in a 24-hour period with a tangible exchange. One of the fundamental principles that keeps society going is that we give others what they want in order to get what we want. I think society would be better off if we had more holidays that, even tacitly, acknowledged that that is what people do. We would be even better off if we did not have to hide it behind all the cutsey hearts, but that's not likely.