Violence and Mayhem

The problem with making "family friendly" television programming is that families often include both adults and children. Now that cable companies have bowed to pressure and rolled out Family Tiers populated with channels devoid of objectionable content, politicians have discovered that (get ready for this) grown-ups may occasionally like to watch programming not suitable for their 6-year-olds. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I thought one of the side effects of having children was loss of interest in any entertainment more mature than Barney and Friends. But, as it turns out, parents are still adults and sometimes like to indulge adult interests, which brings me to some senators' objections to the Family Friendly Tiers because they exclude the violent, beer-sponsored, pro-gambling fun fest that is ESPN. So, for those keeping score, bare female midriffs over micro-miniskirts are not Family Friendly Viewing unless they are accompanied by 22 large men trying to crush one another on a program sponsored by a beer company.

Also in the article linked above, Brent Bozell, head of the Parents Television Council called the TV ratings system "an inconsistent, arbitrary, and capricious mess." I have an idea that will solve both our problems. Since the Parents Television Council already sits around watching TV all day and counting the number of times their delicate sensibilities are offended, let's bring them into the process earlier. Let them watch every moment of television programming and every advertisement before it gets put on air, and have a panel of them agree on a rating for each show and ad. They wouldn't get to veto anything, but they would be able to make sure a consistent and non-arbitrary standard is applied to rating the programs in accordance with their Family Values. Given the 500-odd channels available, that should keep them too busy to file carbon-copy complaints to the FCC every time someone says "dick."