Sunday, November 16, 2003

Thanksgiving Dinner, Part I

I have just discovered that some people are paying upwards of $75 to learn how to cook Thanksgiving dinner. Click here for the full article. In the spirit of public service, I offer instructions for free, based on my many years of turkey apprenticeship under my grandpa, Turkey Master David Mills.

1. Buy a turkey, a couple packages of seasoned stuffing mix (the kind that looks like croutons, not Stove Top), and a meat thermometer that has a marking on it that says "poultry."

2. Defrost turkey. This is best started a week or so ahead of Thanksgiving, so clean out your refrigerator now.

3. Rinse turkey off and remove the packet of giblets from inside the bird. If you can't find it, check the hole at the other end of the bird.

4. Boil the giblets. The neck is good eating, and if you do not wish to put the remainder in the stuffing, you can feed them to relatives and/or the dog.

5. Moisten seasoned stuffing mix with the liquid you used to boil the giblets and add any or all of the following: sauteed onion, celery, apple, walnuts, chopped giblets.

6. Shove the damp bread mixture up the bottom end turkey, packing lightly. Cover the opening with a slice of bread or foil.

7. Shove more stuffing down the neck part and tuck the skin over it.

8. Put the rest of the stuffing in a baking dish, drizzle with extra water and melted butter, and bake alongside the turkey.

9. Stick the meat thermometer into one of the turkey's thighs (the meaty part connected to the drumstick), being careful not to hit anything hard.

10. Bake turkey at 350 degrees until the thermometer get to the "poultry" line. Do not, under any circumstances, trust that little pop-up timer.

Look for the instructions for turkey accessories, including mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top, in the next few days.

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